I know it has been a while since I last posted and often I've not posted of personal things on my blog but I feel strongly compelled to share. Sometimes in the middle of the day to day goings on of ordinary life everything we know gets turned completely upside down. Early in June a terrible tragedy struck at the heart of my family. My heart was ripped from my chest and a piece of me was abruptly taken away, never to be returned to me here on earth. My hero, my mentor and one of the wisest, most loving and giving people I've ever known, my dad was taken away from us. Absolutely nothing on earth could have ever prepared my heart for a loss of this magnitude. Suddenly all that I thought I knew or wanted just wasn't anymore. It has become a challenge to awaken and face each new day. Every moment a test of faith and trust. All I have now are my photos and memories which have become my greatest and most sacred treasures. I've witnessed loss numerous times throughout my life but have never quite felt the pain fully until June 9th. My sweet daddy was here, then he was gone and absolutely nothing can change this fact. Our hugs, our conversations, his amazing advice, his smile, his laugh, his stories, his presence... gone. Each day I awaken begging God for some understanding, some comfort, some hope. It is often said that tears are great cleansers of the spirit but mine I feel is drowning as these tears have become my 'new norm'. I find myself in complete and utter shock from this horrific tragedy. What sleep I am able to get has become my respite from reality. The death of my dad has been the greatest loss that my soul has ever experienced. I often sit in wonder of what life will now have in store. What will each new day hold? How will I, my mom and my brothers go forward in this life without my dad? Why, why was he taken? Everyone knows that the day will inevitably come when they must say goodbye to someone we truly love but the busyness of life finds this thought tucked far within the recesses of our minds. I often hear that healing takes time and that things will get better. Do they really? I used to think that I had it all figured out but my faith has truly been shaken. I find myself begging God, "please just give me a sign that my dad is OK." Longing for yesterdays and clinging to every memory. Perhaps time itself will lessen the pain or at least mask it somehow but I find that very difficult to see right now. Loss of a loved one goes far beyond anything we can grasp hold of in this world and I suppose that this is where the ultimate test of faith comes into play. Where we place complete trust in God and his plan for each of our lives.
I know in my heart how vital it is to keep on facing each new day. How very important it is to love, truly love with all my heart. To spend quality time with those who mean the most. To give without expecting anything in return. Why, because my dad taught me! What a legacy he has left behind! My dad, my gentle giant! What an overwhelming impact he has had on my life, my choices, and my desires! Thank you dad for everything you were, are, and will be to me for the rest of my time here. You are forever a part of me and I will carry you in my heart until we meet again. Until then, may you live in peace and fly with the angels of heaven. Love always... your Annette
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